Leda’s Log. A behind-the-scenes, slice-of-life look into the Legion of Angels, hosted by Leda Pandora, the Angel of Chaos.

Warning: may include abnormally-large cats and adorable baby angels.

Story #3 (“The Ball of Champions”) of Leda’s Log continues! In this chapter, Leda and Aspen visit the royal notary.

Leda’s Log

Part 20: The Royal Notary

We left Sierra and Angel to supervise Nero’s continued tuxedo search. Our next stop was the royal notary. We had to get Aspen’s papers in order so she was qualified to take Lavinia’s place when the snotty little princess got herself kicked out of the running for queen. Unfortunately, the notary’s receptionist was proving somewhat of a challenge.

“Princess Aspen, you say?” She made a big show of checking the appointment calendar. “I’m sorry, you’re not on the list.”

But I wasn’t backing down. “I’m sure the notary can spare just a few minutes—”

“Mr. Barrens is very busy,” the receptionist cut me off. “If you want to see him, you will need to make an appointment, just like everyone else.”

“Ok, then make us an appointment,” I said.

“What time works for you?” she asked.

“How about right now?”

The receptionist continued her show of looking through the calendar. “Mr. Barrens is really quite booked up. The earliest he can possibly see you is…” She flipped through the pages. “…in five years.”

This was ridiculous.

“Ok, let’s just cut to the chase.” I started slapping gold coins onto the table. “How many coins will it take for you to ‘find’ us an appointment for this afternoon?”

The receptionist pretended to look offended. “You are attempting to bribe an agent of the crown!” she said, indignant, her chest puffed out.

I shrugged. “I suggest you take the gold. We are getting in to see the notary either way.”

“That’s it!” She reached for the phone. “I’m calling security!”

I waved my hand, casting a sleep spell over her. Nothing happened.

“Ha! Your magic doesn’t work on me, witch!” the woman laughed.

I rolled my eyes at her. “I’m an angel, not a witch. But no matter. I have other means than magic at my disposal.” I snatched her arm, holding her steady as I duct-taped her mouth. “Why can’t people ever do things the easy way?” I sighed at the struggling woman. “You should have just taken the money.”

“No doubt Lavinia already paid her off,” Aspen pointed out. “And threatened to kill her if she didn’t stonewall me.”

“I’m hating this Lavinia more and more with every passing minute.” I taped the receptionist’s arms to the legs of her desk. “There. That should do it.” I tucked the tape roll back into my jacket.

Aspen watched me in fascination. “Why do you carry duct tape around with you?”

I shrugged. “It’s versatile. You never know when it might come in handy. And, look, it just did.”

“You are very strange, Leda Pandora.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I know.”

“But I know I could count on you. You’re a good person.”

“Uh, thanks.”

“Unlike Lavinia,” she sighed.

“Yeah, your former BFF is something else,” I agreed. “How can your society give someone so horrendously morally-bankrupt even a tiny sliver of a chance of becoming your queen?”

“Her chances are far greater than a sliver,” Aspen said. “In fact, Lavinia is the strongest contender. Unless I can stop her, she will in all likelihood become Queen. And as for how my government can let someone like her rule, well, the rules of the Princess Games favor the strong. Too often, the strong are cruel, callous, and completely driven by selfish desires.”

“So the other candidates are just like Lavinia?” I asked.

“Some of them.”

No wonder Aspen was willing to go through so much pain, suffering, and outright nonsense to stop them from becoming Queen.

“So what’s your current queen like?” I asked her.

“She is one of the good ones,” Aspen told me, smiling. “She was the one who asked me to enter the Princess Games. She wants me to become Queen.”

“She couldn’t just name her successor?”

“No. That’s not how our society works. The new Queen is determined by the Princess Games. No one can sidestep the process, not even the current monarch. But she can influence people. Because she favored me, I would have likely become Queen. Until…”

“Until Lavinia got you stuck in that tree,” I finished for her.

“Yes. Her betrayal hurt more than anything. I thought she was my friend, but then she showed her true colors. She wants to be Queen, and she would do anything to get rid of the competition.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “It will all come back to her in the end.”

“So you believe in karma?”

“I believe in taking karma into my own hands. Now, come on.” I waved her forward. “Let’s see if we can’t snatch just a few minutes out of Mr. Barrens’ very busy schedule.”

We found the notary in the office at the end of the hall. He didn’t look particularly busy, though it must have been quite a challenge to eat a sandwich and play games on his phone at the same time.

“Mr. Barrens,” I said, trying to get his attention.

He didn’t look up from his game. Well, he certainly had his priorities straight.

I snatched the phone out of his hand. “You’re a hard man to get an appointment with,” I told him.

He glowered at me in annoyance. “You don’t have an appointment.”

“Yes, exactly my point.” I set a folder on his desk.

“What’s that?” he asked, licking ketchup off his fingers.

“Aspen’s paperwork to join the Princess Games.” I snatched a pen out of the cup on his desk. “We’d like you to notarize it.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re the notary, and it’s your job to notarize things.”

He waved the pen away. “You’re too late. The candidates for the Princess Games have already been selected.”

“Selected perhaps, but not yet announced,” I said. “Which means there’s still time.”

“Time? Time to do what? To change the Committee’s mind?” He laughed. “Once they make up their mind about something, they don’t change it.”

“You let us worry about that. You just sign the documents.” I set his pen on the folder.

“You’re wasting your time.” He made an impatient noise. “And mine.”

“Look, the documents are all there, ready and prepared.” I tapped the folder. “All we need to make them official is your signature.”

“What’s the point? The Committee isn’t going to even look at them.”

“I don’t know about that,” I countered. “I can be very persuasive.”

He looked me up and down, assessing me. “You’re an angel.”

“A deity actually. Half goddess. Half demon. And all awesome.”

He didn’t look impressed. “How nice for you, but that’s not going to help you here. Why do you think this kingdom is independent and free? Why do you think we don’t worship either gods or demons?”

“I don’t need you to worship me, Mr. Barrens,” I said with a strained smile. “I just need you to sign a piece of paper.”

He ignored me. “We don’t worship gods or demons because your magic tricks don’t work on us. We are strong.” He pounded his chest.

“Nice try, but I know magic works on you guys.”

“Magic, yes. But not your magic.”

Gods and demons didn’t like to admit that there were any other kinds of magic than their own, but I wasn’t like other deities. I’d experienced other kinds of magic firsthand, magic that didn’t fall onto the usual spectrum.

“I am not signing this.” The notary slid the folder across the desk to me.

Of course not. I’d hoped he would see reason and do this the easy way, but no one ever did it the easy way. They always forced me to get mean.

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Barrens.” I set his phone on the table, then bowed to him. “We will be back.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it.” he warned me, grabbing his phone.

I gave him one final smirk, then left his office with Aspen. The high-pitched beeps of whatever game he was playing followed us down the hall.

“Well, that went well,” Aspen said, deflated.

“It was worth a shot, but your people really do like to make things difficult, don’t they?”

“Yes,” she said, her shoulders slouching lower.

“Don’t worry,” I said, setting a brisk pace away from the building. “We’ll convince him to sign that document.”

“How?

I winked at her. “With magic, of course.”

“No, that won’t work. Mr. Barrens was right about your magic. It doesn’t work on us.”

“Yes, I saw that with the receptionist.” I nibbled on my lip. “Why is that, by the way?”

“Our skin is like armor, a shield against magic. It keeps magic out. It protects us.”

Well, that was something new.

“How did you manage to make your skin magic-proof?” I asked her.

“It wasn’t anything we did. We were just born that way. Our civilization is old. Our kingdom has been around since before gods and demons. Even the ancient Immortals couldn’t work their magic on us.”

“Did they try to?” I asked.

“No.” Aspen shook her head. “The Immortals were not conquerors. Many people worshiped them for their incredible powers, but since those powers didn’t work on us, we never did. We had a few encounters with them over the millennia. According to historical records, they were quite perplexed by our resistance to their magic. Apparently, that’s uncommon.”

“Yeah, the Immortals were kind of the magical powerhouses of the known universe,” I said. “But it’s not like other kinds of magic don’t exist out there.”

A new, improved plan was solidifying in my mind.

“So what now?” Aspen looked at me like I had all the answers.

And I had no intention of disappointing her.

“Remember what I said about killing two birds with one stone?” I said. “Well, I’m actually going to need two stones. But luckily they seem to travel in pairs.”

Aspen blinked, clearly perplexed. “You are a very unusual, very confusing person.”

“I know.” I flashed her a grin. “Now, come on. Let’s go find those stones.”

To be continued…

Obligatory cat photo. This is Savannah demonstrating how tough it is to be a cat. 

In the next entry of Leda’s Log, a familiar face will return to assist Leda in her quest to make Aspen the new Queen.